EL (kesnit) wrote,

A Republican Goes to Heaven

I didn't write this; I found it on a forum I read a lot. However, I thought it was funny and wanted to repost it.

God: "Why should I let you into heaven, my son?"
Republican: "I voted Republican my whole life. I hated the same people You hate. I accepted Your only other son, George W. Bush, as my lord and savior."
G: "From what I can see, you spent your entire life stealing from the poor to give to the rich."
R: "But those are just blacks and illegal immigrants, Lord! They're just welfare-sucking burdens on society! They're not really people!"
G: "Whatever you do to the least of those among you, you do to me."
R: "But I was against abortion and homosexuality!"
G: "You think blowing up abortion clinics and tying gay people to a fence and beating them to death is going to score points with me?"
R: "But I thought all you cared about was abortion and homosexuality, Lord!"
G: "Did you give money to the poor like I commanded?"
R: "No, but I spent money on killing Your enemies in Iraq, Lord! I thought giving to the poor was socialism!"
G: "What part of 'thou shalt not kill' don't you understand?"
R: "But I defended the lives of unborn fetuses tooth and nail!"
G: "When I was hungry, you did not feed me..."
R: "But I was against abortion and homosexuality!"
G: "When I was naked, you did not clothe me..."
R: "You're not listening Lord, I was against ABORTION AND HOMOSEXUALITY!!!"
G: "When I was in prison, you did not visit me..."
R: "SHUT UP, GOD!!! I was against abortion and homosexuality and that should be good enough for you! I'm a Republican, we rule the universe, not you!"
G: "I never knew you. Depart from me, ye worker of iniquity!"

  • A Very Happy Christmas

    Today has been a wonderful day. My fiancee and I woke up about 8:30 and she made bacon and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Then we opened the presents…

  • I'm Still Here

    I realize I have not posted in quite some time. Law school has been crazy, and while I read LJ, I haven't actually written. But I just got news that…

  • Bloodwork and Trying to Wake Up

    I had to have fasting bloodwork done this morning. This is always an adventure since I am a rather difficult stick. Once the needle is in and set,…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.